Creating a calm bedtime
Creating Calm at Bedtime: Strategies for Reducing Stress Before Sleep
Bedtime: it should be a gentle end to the day, a moment to reconnect, rest and recharge. But for many families, it’s the most stressful part of the day, full of resistance, stalling, tears, or tension and sometimes the time that a lot of parents dread.
The truth is, a calm bedtime doesn’t just help children sleep better, it shapes their mood, behaviour, and brain health the next day. And when bedtime feels like a battle, it’s often a sign that a few key ingredients are missing from the evening routine.
As a certified child sleep coach, I help families transform bedtime into a calmer, more connected experience, and I’d love to help you do the same wherever you may be on the journey.
Why Calm Matters Before Bed
To understand why bedtime calm is so important, it helps to understand a bit about the brain.
In the lead-up to sleep, the body produces melatonin, a hormone that helps regulate the sleep-wake cycle. But melatonin doesn’t just “switch on”, its release is carefully influenced by light, environment, stress levels, and routine.
When children experience stress, even low-level stress, their bodies release cortisol, a hormone that acts like a wake-up signal. This cortisol surge blocks melatonin and prevents the brain from transitioning into sleep mode. This is why racing around before bed, emotional upsets, or overstimulation can cause children to struggle with settling, even if they’re exhausted.
In short, if we want our children to fall asleep more easily and sleep more soundly, we need to help their brains feel safe, connected, and calm in the hour leading up to sleep.
7 Strategies for Creating Calm at Bedtime
1. Start the Wind-Down Early
The human body doesn't fall asleep at the flick of a switch, it needs time to transition.
Begin calming things down at least 45–60 minutes before bedtime. This helps reduce cortisol and gently nudges the body into a more restful state. The younger the child, the earlier this wind-down may need to start.
Incorporate:
Low lighting (to stimulate melatonin)
Quiet play, reading, journal or mindfulness
Reduced noise and screen exposure
Simple, predictable tasks
Wind-down isn’t just about “doing less”, it’s about creating a steady rhythm the brain can rely on every evening.
2. Build a Consistent Bedtime Routine
According to research on circadian rhythms and child development, consistency helps the brain know what to expect next. Repeating the same sequence of calming steps each night trains the body to recognise when sleep is coming.
A great bedtime routine might include:
A warm bath
PJs and teeth brushing
A story or two
A calming phrase, cuddle, or lullaby
Lights out
This ritual becomes a powerful cue for sleep over time, just like brushing teeth signals the brain that it’s time to stop eating, a consistent bedtime routine tells the brain it's time to rest.
3. Reduce Sensory Stimulation
Modern homes are full of bright lights, background noise, and digital devices, all of which can disrupt the natural production of melatonin. Screens in particular emit blue light, which suppresses melatonin and delays sleep onset.
To support your child’s natural sleep biology:
Dim the lights an hour before bedtime
Avoid screens at least 60–90 minutes before bed
Use soft, familiar textures like favourite blankets or pyjamas
Introduce white noise if needed to muffle household sounds
These small changes can shift your child’s nervous system into a “rest and digest” state, perfect for sleep.
4. Encourage Emotional Connection
Emotional needs play a huge role in sleep struggles. If a child feels disconnected, anxious, or overstimulated, they’ll often express this through resistance at bedtime, it can be worth exploring if there is anything else bothering them during the day. Check in with if anything has upset them at all (however big or small) it is still relevant to them and their feelings and can affect how they will settle.
Rather than seeing bedtime delays as “naughty” or manipulative, try to view them as communication: “I need a bit more from you right now.”
Calming connection ideas:
Share a positive memory from the day
Use a “worry jar” earlier in the evening for anxious thoughts
Cuddle while reading books or listening to music
Offer gentle touch like back rubs or hand holding
Connection lowers stress hormones and increases oxytocin, which helps your child feel secure enough to fall asleep.
5. Make Space for Their Emotions
Children’s brains are still developing the ability to self-regulate. At the end of a long day, emotions often spill out. Add in tiredness, and you’ve got the perfect storm for meltdowns or clinginess.
Try to create space to:
Reflect on the day (What was your favourite part?)
Validate their feelings (“I can see today felt really big for you”)
Reassure them of your presence and safety
Helping children process their emotions during the day and at bedtime builds emotional resilience and supports deeper sleep.
6. Mind Your Own Calm
A stressed-out parent trying to enforce calm usually doesn’t create calm, it creates more tension.
Children are wired to co-regulate. That means if your nervous system is dysregulated, theirs will be too. Before starting bedtime, take a moment to centre yourself, deep breaths, or even a mindset shift like:
“This time is about connection, not control.”
Your calm presence helps your child feel safe, and safety is the cornerstone of good sleep.
7. Reframe Resistance as a Need
Sleep resistance is rarely just about not wanting to go to sleep. It’s often about:
A fear of separation
A need for more control
Anxiety or worry
Overexcitement or overtiredness
By approaching resistance with curiosity rather than control, you open the door to deeper understanding, and more cooperation. Ask yourself: “What might my child need right now?”
Compassionate, responsive boundaries are key. It’s okay to be firm and kind.
The Science-Backed Benefits of a Calmer Bedtime
Sleep science confirms what many parents instinctively know: how your child falls asleep influences how they stay asleep. A calm, connected bedtime routine:
Reduces sleep onset latency (the time it takes to fall asleep)
Improves overnight sleep consolidation
Reduces night waking's
Enhances emotional regulation the next day
Supports brain development and memory
In short: investing in bedtime calm pays off all day long.
Final Thoughts
Creating a calm bedtime doesn’t mean eliminating every bump in the road. Life happens, a club might run over, a friend might come round for tea, grandparents call in, etc. But with consistency, connection, and an understanding of what your child really needs before sleep, your evenings can feel lighter, gentler, and more rewarding, for everyone.
If bedtime feels like a battle in your home, it’s okay to ask for help. With the right support and tools, calm really is possible.
Need 1:1 help to restore calm at bedtime?
I offer personalised sleep support for children aged 0–10, using a holistic, gentle, evidence-based approach. No “cry-it-out,”, just strategies that work for your unique child.
🧡 Book a free sleep assessment today, using the link below.
📩 Or drop me a message, I’d love to hear what bedtime looks like in your home.
https://api.leadconnectorhq.com/widget/bookings/compsleepcall-a183c02f-96b4-403f-bb65-e6716158695c
Katie Allan xx
